I did receive one very interesting response from a redditor, I'll be referring to her as Mrs. L, regarding this issue, and (having secured her permission) I'd like to share it with all of you:
I have to say it...I am a "BBW" and really am bothered by being put into a "fetish" category. I get that face sitting, that thing where guys like to get body slammed (don't remember the name) are usually BBW-centric fetishes, but its hurtful and dehumanizing to me to be labeled as a walking talking fetish rather than a human being.
On a positive note, I really enjoyed the way you broke down the different categories so to speak. I found it really interesting!
Now, I have to say that this type of reaction was definitely a concern of mine while writing the original post. I understand that there is often a negative social connotation surrounding the word fetish, and I also know that subjects like this can be very sensitive issues. Having been on the receiving end of some less that pleasant comments regarding my own "deviations", I find that treating issues like this (and the people involved) respectfully is very important to me. Here is a copy of my response (posted on reddit) to the above critique:
First and foremost, I'd like to apologize if my post made you feel dehumanized or hurt. That was never my intention. A majority of my writings tend to focus on various fetish aspects, but I never mean to imply that a person's feelings should be ignored. For me, fetishes are the most fun when they can be shared with someone you care for. The act of losing yourself in such raw sexual activity can only be truly achieved in an environment built around trust.
In regards to feeling like a walking fetish rather than a human being, that's a bit more difficult. I would be lying if I said that the first thoughts to fly through my mind upon encountering a BBW weren't graphically sexual in nature. It doesn't mean that I think of the woman as any less of a person, however. In my experience, it is entirely possible to be both a sex object and a person (I also personally love being a sex object, though, so I may be a bit biased).
Yes, there will always be people who will view you as nothing but a vehicle for their desires, but that's not exactly limited to BBWs. The important thing to realize is that there are just as many, if not more, who will be attracted to you for who you are as well as what you look like.
I hope this reply serves to undo any hurt the original post may have caused, or (as my rambling seems to be growing ever more incoherent as the minutes tick past) I hope it at least has not made things any worse.
Hopefully, you will give my writings another chance, and perhaps I can leave a better impression on you the next time. :)
Also, I'm glad you liked the breakdown. That was actually one of my favorite parts of the post to write.
Now, my reasons for sharing this with all of you are three-fold...
First, I'm sure that Mrs. L was not the only person to stumble across my post and feel this way. There is usually a similar reaction to this anytime a discussion pops up that identifies any specific group of people as a "fetish". I felt that sharing this reaction and my reply would be a good way of addressing the matter for anyone who shared these concern but may have felt skittish about saying something directly.
Second, I'd like this to serve as encouragement for any who feel the need to address any aspect of this or future posts. Please do not feel shy about responding, even if that response is critical. Mrs. L later shared with me that she was not expecting a response that actually addressed her concerns. She had, in fact, been expecting some mean and dismissive little quip only serving to further dehumanize her by humiliating her for daring to voice her concern.
This is not the type of environment I hope to cultivate with this blog, and I'd like to make it clearly known that I will do my best to respond to any such future communications in a civil and respectful manner. Even if you don't feel comfortable responding publicly, you can always e-mail me directly. I make an effort to respond to every single e-mail I receive (even the SPAM, which often results in hilarity), and I won't post any discourse here without seeking your permission first. One of the main purposes of the My Favorite Fetishes column is to foster an air of understanding to hopefully demystify fetishism in general, and such a thing cannot happen without open dialogue.
Speaking of demystifying and fostering understanding, that brings me to the third (and mercifully final) reason for this post. One of the most interesting things to come out of this conversation (Mrs. L and I continued the discussion via direct messages over the weekend) was the notion of a fetish as being a secret and shameful thing. I make no secret about my fetishes, both in my life and on this blog, because I don't believe they are anything to hide. I have always viewed the term "fetish" by the strictest definition: an object or concept that induces extreme and habitual sexual desire to the point of near reverence. And, like I mentioned in the original post, as long as it's legal and consensual, I'm going to relish in openly enjoying the things I like.
Again, it's not my intention to marginalize anyone into a specific role that denies their basic humanity, but I simply cannot help loving the things I do. In no way do I view this as being in direct opposition to my view of someone as a person. In my experience, it's possible to be both a sexual object and a person, and I think that bringing fetishism to a point where it's openly discussed without judgement will enable others to see this, as well.
And that's about all I have to say on that, for now...
Feel free to comment or e-mail me should you want to discuss things further (seriously, I love discussing this stuff), and thanks for reading.
~Jess
No comments:
Post a Comment